Written testimony of Misty Davidson
C.A.R.E. Team Member
My Story Begins With Lies
My story begins with lies…Lies that the enemy told me. You see from the time I can remember as a young girl, all I wanted was a daddy. My mom left my dad when I was about 6 months old after his drug addictions and severe abuse from him. I can remember wondering every holiday, every birthday…Would this be the year he came to visit me? I saw my dad less than 10 times, with one overnight visit, from the time I was born until the day he went home to be with the Lord in 1997.
I called every man my mother dated Daddy, and even called my uncle Daddy at one point. You see that was all I wanted to be loved from a male figure. However, Satan had a different scheme plotting. The lies began around the age of 6 years old, I could hear “No one loves you, no one will ever love you”, You aren’t good enough, if you weren’t so ugly maybe someone would like you. You will end up just like your mother, ALONE. Those words sank into my heart and panic set in for me at a very young age. I have to be different, I have been alone all of my childhood, I don’t want to be alone. If you sleep with him, maybe he will stay with you. Maybe he will love you. Again I believed the lie from the enemy.
I started being promiscuous at the age of 15 and before that year was over, I was pregnant with my first daughter. When she turned 6 months of age, her father left me. There I was all over again, alone. After the reconciliation of her father and I, we were married, had 2 more beautiful children, and I thought that I had broken that cycle, and that it was over…I was wrong. The abuse started, affairs that we were both guilty of, and after lies from the enemy telling me that I would be better off with someone else, and the continued abuse, I divorced my first husband. I turned to clubs and men…Even though I had three children to take care of, I still wanted that male to love me and take care of me. The way that I believe my father should have.
About a year later, I met my husband Ray, and I knew from the first time I saw him; I wanted him to be my husband and again Satan reminded me, the only way to keep him is to sleep with him. Within three months of dating, I became pregnant. Panic set in for the both of us, and with no thought of consequences there I sat in the abortion clinic. “It’s only a blob of tissue, it’s not a real baby”, this will be over soon. Without seeking anyone’s advice, or listening to God, I believed another lie “he will leave you alone with another child”, so I made the choice to have an abortion. I still remember the room, the clock on the wall that seemed to tick ever so slowly and the doctor telling me to be quiet. I remember feeling like I was in a slaughter house. After a very painful experience, the procedure was completed. I made the decision I would never think about it again and everything would be okay. And that is what I did, I didn’t think about it, and began again to live a life filled with lies, disobedience, and selfish desires.
Just a few months later, there I was again, PREGNANT! I knew at that moment that I didn’t, I couldn’t go through that painful procedure again but I was also determined not to be left alone with another child that I could not take care of. So, once again, I sat in abortion clinic in Dallas and after being put to sleep, I had my second abortion. Not much recollection of the second abortion except for the plea that I made with God, that if he let me live through that procedure, I would never do it again. I shut down any emotion, I didn’t cry much, my heart was hard. I was such an angry person. I hated everyone, especially the person who I had become.
Six months came fast and I found myself, yes you guessed it, pregnant again. “Why God, Why?” After remembering the promise I made, I knew I could not have another abortion. Nowhere to run, afraid, I pulled out my bible, sat in my bathroom floor and cried out to God, please speak to me, please. I let my bible fall open and looked down and read the verses that my eyes fell upon…
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
I knew this child was from God, I knew he was telling me that he had forgiven me for the abortion. This child is Madison Grace, who at the age of 2 years old, without being taught about our Savior would tell me she and Jesus used to play cards together and that Jesus loved me. God blessed me with this beautiful child who is so unique and says things that I know that only our Lord has given her.
However, Satan had still always been determined to steal my joy of her. Fear of losing her sat deep in my heart and the heart of her father. We just knew God would take her from us to punish us for the previous 2 abortions, and we lived in fear of that for the last seven years. Fear that reigned in our hearts so much that we didn’t allow Madison out of our sight.
Then sitting in a seat, a divine appointment by God, I heard Lysa TerKeurst share her testimony at Feminar, January of 2010. I had given my life back to the Lord, and Ray had given his life to Jesus three days before we were married in November of 2006, but this was an issue that we dealt with daily. We knew were forgiven but the haunting was still there. Still feeling guilt, shame, condemnation, hurt and fear still was instilled in our hearts.
God began to stir something in my heart at Feminar. I began to deal with the feelings of my abortion. It was laid upon my heart to tell a friend that God had brought into my life recently in those months. I fought God, but after one lunch, not prepared, my heart spilled out over that lunch table and with God knowing ALL things he had already laid the materials in her hand that would start my healing.
I began SURRENDERING THE SECRET, an eight week bible study, one on one with a woman who God placed in my life at the right time and who now is an ordained friendship by God that I will treasure the rest of my life.
I started the study not believing I could ever feel victory in this area of my life. I believed I would live with this guilt and condemnation the rest of my life. God has miraculously shattered walls, exposed lies that I have believed, and opened and shut doors during this bible study. I no longer feel condemnation, but love, no longer guilt but forgiveness. The hole in my heart is now filled with knowing that Jesus holds my two precious children who I believe will be placed in my arms when I go home to spend eternity in heaven.